The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex-Wife & Her Vibrator Read online

  The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex–wife & Her Vibrator

  A Romantic Comedy

  C.C. Coburn

  Hello Everyone!

  I love writing Romantic Comedy and I’m very excited about my first venture into Independent publishing.

  The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex-Wife and Her Vibrator, won the 2006 Romance Writers of Australia Emerald Award for an unpublished manuscript. Since then, it’s languished on my laptop, ignored and pushed into a dark corner while I worked on award–winning stories for Harlequin American Romance.

  But recently it called to me, begging to be let out and launched out into the world. Originally titled, “Careful What You Wish For”, I renamed it based on a movie with a catchy title, “The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover”. Using that as my template, it wasn’t hard to come up with the four main characters in my book and work it into “The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex-Wife and Her Vibrator”.

  It’s taken quite a lot of rewriting, bitten nails, burnt dinners and hair–pulling but throughout the journey Beth and Gabe have been my staunch companions. I love their story, love Beth and her quirkiness, love Gabe and his steadfastness—to me they were a perfect match, if only I could get them over their differences.

  Throw in some phone–sex, a murder, a ranch, a cast of interesting characters and conflicts and I hope I’ve created a story you’ll enjoy reading and perhaps make you laugh out loud.

  I love hearing from my readers. You can email me via my website: www.cccoburn.com

  In the meantime, I’m working on more Indie stories for you. Watch out for Austen in Love which answers exactly how Jane Austen came to write such enduring romances, coming soon to an e–reader near you!

  Best wishes!

  CC

  Copyright © 2013 C.C. Coburn. All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorised, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  Cover design by LFD Designs

  Formatting by Anessa Books

  The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex–wife & Her Vibrator

  His shirt struggled to contain muscled arms and he more than adequately filled out his jeans…

  Would you leave a man like that standing on your doorstep? Beth Harman didn’t think twice. Gabe Hunter was heaven-sent: a blind date for a sex–starved single mom of four, who was good enough to eat! Way more appealing than Beth’s Plan B—cosy nights spent with a vibrator…

  Was Beth Harman nuts? Gabe was here reluctantly, to appease his cousin who wanted to see him fixed up with a woman. Which was why he’d stood brazenly in Beth’s doorway with a red rose between his teeth. It hadn’t put Beth off…

  She was intent on getting hot and heavy with him the minute she got him inside her house. However, rancher Gabe wasn’t aiming on a casual encounter with anyone. Though once he realised that, underneath her crazy exterior, Beth was very nice and very attractive, and that she and her kids could do with some male influence in their lives, he decided to stick around. Could he persuade her to put the hurt and betrayal of her cheating ex–husband behind her and settle down to something more loving? As Gabe was soon to discover, wanting to be in Beth Harman’s life was to invite a whole heap of temptation, teasing, truths… and trouble!

  Acknowledgements

  I wish to thank the following wonderful people and dear friends for their unwavering support and assistance in creating this story and bringing it to publication:

  Cathleen Ross, Kelly Hunter, Stephanie Rowe, Jan Durkin, Helen Sibbritt, Malvina Yock, Helen Bianchin, Louise Cusack, Lesley Millar, Helen Lacey, Laura O’Connell, Fiona Lowe, Paula Roe, Robyn Grady, Tessa Shapcott, Paula Eykelhof, Meredith Bond, Nadia Lee, Wesley Harris, the lovely people in Romance Writers of Australia, and the IndieRomanceInk and crimescenewriters lists.

  And as always, my husband, Keith (and sometimes my children).

  The last thing Beth Harman expected to find on her doorstep was a blind date good enough to eat.

  He leaned one arm against the doorjamb, almost filling it. His shirt struggled to contain muscled arms and he more than adequately filled out his jeans in all the right places.

  From the top of his cowboy hat to the tips of his well–worn riding boots, he was the quintessential fantasy hero—a picture of masculine nonchalance. Except for the red rose clasped between his lips.

  Crap! thought Beth. Of all the blind dates I’ve been on, why did I have to sabotage this one?

  His dark eyes flashed with speculation from a sun–tanned face, heavy with five o’clock shadow. Beth swallowed. Things like this didn’t happen to Denver housewives, not even in their dreams.

  He removed the rose and offered it to her, saying, “Don’t go thinking this is a marriage proposal, darlin’. I’m only doing it for the sex.”

  Beth considered his remark for a long moment then reached out, grabbed his shirt–front and pulled him through her front door.

  “Good. I’m in no mood for small talk either,” she said, undoing the belt on her tattered robe.

  When she reached for the hem of her nightgown and started to pull it up, he held up his hands. “Whoa, there, lady! What d’you think you’re doing?”

  “Getting undressed. For sex.” She hesitated a moment, then confessed, “But I warn you, I’ve got cellulite.”

  His face registered horror. She dropped the hem and smoothed her nightgown. “Okay, if you prefer we keep our clothes on, that’s fine with me. I’m not wearing panties anyway.”

  She’s nuts! Gabe thought as he almost choked on that revelation. His cousin, Tilly, had said her friend was a bit unusual, but this was quite a lot more unusual than he’d bargained for. They were supposed to be going on a blind date for heaven’s sake, not hitting the hay.

  Admittedly, his opening remark might’ve given her the wrong idea. His brazen introduction was meant to put her off—not have her stripping on her doorstep. The rose was supposed to appease her if she’d gone to a lot of trouble. From the way she was dressed, she hadn’t gone to any trouble at all.

  Her hair was wrapped in a towel and her nightwear had seen better days. If she was out to make a good first impression, then she’d failed. Miserably.

  “So where do you want to do it?”

  “Huh?” Gabe blinked, unable to believe his ears. And his eyes. She was smiling at him. It wasn’t an especially pleasant smile, given that she was missing a front tooth.

  “Where do you want to have sex?”

  Gabe glanced at the door. She’d slammed it shut when she’d hauled him inside. He scanned around for sharp objects, a set of handcuffs… anything to confirm he really shouldn’t be in the same room with this crazy woman before making his excuses and leaving.

  “You’re not thinking of going already are you?”

  Her softly delivered plea had him looking back at her. She smiled. Gabe decided she might be considered attractive if she bothered to do something about that missing tooth. Maybe she couldn’t afford good dental care? He dismissed the notion the moment it entered his head. She lived in one of Denver’s more affluent suburbs and her home was an attractive two–story, stone and cedar–clad dwelling with a sweeping front lawn. Maybe that was further evid
ence of her madness? She lived in a house like this, but was too much of a tightwad to do anything about her teeth? Nor about how she dressed, he thought, glancing at her nightwear. Hadn’t Tilly mentioned his date’s ex–husband was a dentist? So what gave? His cousin’s words came back to haunt him. ‘Beth’s a little unusual’.

  A little unusual? The woman was an out and out eccentric!

  “I’ve only got a small window of opportunity here,” she said. “The kids get back on Sunday afternoon, so I’ve got an awful lot of catching up to do in a very short time.”

  “What?”

  She sighed and brushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes.

  Her hair was dry. He wondered why was it wrapped in a towel if it was dry? And what did her kids getting back on Sunday have to do with him? Gabe was going to kill Tilly when he got hold of her. Sending him out on a date with a complete fruitcake was too much. Maybe the woman was in on the joke with Tilly? He reached out and whipped the towel off her head. Toffee–colored locks tumbled to her shoulders.

  She gasped and touched her hair, then grinned up at him.

  Her missing front tooth seemed to be growing back. He leaned closer to her mouth to check.

  Without warning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and fastened her lips to his.

  Gabe encircled her waist in order to push her off him, but when his hands closed over firm but feminine curves he found his grip altering from pushing her away to pulling her closer into his arms. It had been so long since he’d been with a woman; too long since he’d held one. The woman tasted of temptation and strawberries. And when she arched into him, rubbed her breasts against his chest and purred, Gabe was suddenly horny as hell.

  This was absurd. He didn’t know this woman. He should be resisting her. It was friggin’ insane to even think about taking her up on her offer, but she smelled so damn good and her body smashed against his the way it was, was making him so hot… When she fastened her mouth to his and he got a taste of those lips, he was a goner.

  To hell with it, he thought and gave in. A man could take only so much temptation.

  She moaned and he dragged her closer, wrapping his arms around her. His tongue touched her teeth and then he regretted it because of the missing one…

  He swept his tongue back across her teeth. That was weird. Her tooth had grown back!

  He gripped her upper arms and wrenched his mouth from hers.

  She looked a little dazed at their sudden parting, then blinked twice and smiled at him. Gabe narrowed his eyes.

  “Your tooth’s grown back,” he told her.

  She flushed and lifted her hand to her mouth. “Oh dear,” she murmured.

  He released her. “Oh dear?” Crossing his arms, he fixed her with a glare. “Your missing tooth has grown back and all you can say is, ‘Oh, dear’?”

  She rubbed at her tooth, then her blue eyes glowed with excitement. “Why, gosh! It has grown back!” she exclaimed.

  Gabe wasn’t even tempted to believe her astonishment was genuine. He’d grown up tolerating his cousin’s pranks and this woman wasn’t going to get away with being part of one. “Lady, what the hell are you and Tilly up to?”

  A range of emotions flittered across her features. It surprised him that one of them hinted at vulnerability.

  “Just a tick,” she said and fled upstairs. At the landing, she turned and said, “Please don’t go. I’ll explain everything. It’s just…” she paused as though searching for the right words.

  Gabe was interested to hear them. He crossed his arms, leaned back against the door and waited.

  “It’s just that… well…”

  She shrugged and said, “I wasn’t expecting someone who looks so much more appealing than a vibrator.”

  It was a good thing Gabe was leaning against something solid, otherwise his legs might have given out from under him.

  But the fleeting pleasure of being told his date thought he was more appealing than a vibrator was quickly replaced by the certain knowledge she was completely certifiable. In which case, being judged more appealing than a vibrator by a woman who liked blacking out her teeth probably wasn’t much of a compliment after all.

  Was now a good time to make his escape? he wondered.

  Nah. She intrigued him too much for him to want to bail just yet. He’d be polite, listen to her explanation—he sure was confounded by that vibrator remark—then make his excuses and leave. Sure, she was a little whacked, but any woman who could start a blind date like that was worth a second chance, especially one who could kiss like a fallen angel and now he knew what was hiding beneath that robe of hers… Yep, he could stand waiting for her to come back downstairs. He was too damned interested to walk out that door and not look back.

  Gabe bent and retrieved the rose from the floor, figuring since it cost him all of twelve–fifty it at least deserved to live for another day. He went in search of her kitchen and a vase.

  The rose looked woeful stuck in the enormous vase, sitting there all by itself. It reminded him of his own solitary existence, living alone at his ranch in the Colorado Rockies, a two–hour drive away. He should’ve guessed Tilly was up to something when she’d invited him down to visit for the weekend. He’d barely gotten his foot in the front door when Tilly had announced he was heading out on a blind date.

  Gabe had been determined to put a stop to her matchmaking efforts by turning up at this woman’s place… He scratched his head and tried to remember her name but the events of the past few minutes had put it right out of his head.

  He glanced around her kitchen for a clue. A couple of postcards were stuck to the refrigerator with magnets. He took a glance at one: ‘Dear Beth and kids…’

  Beth? She was nothing like a Beth. Beths were sensible and staid and old fashioned. They knitted or quilted, read books…

  They weren’t half–crazy women who compared men to vibrators.

  Maybe he should leave? She’d been gone a good ten minutes. He could send a dozen roses tomorrow by way of apology. By then he intended being safely back home on his ranch where Tilly couldn’t get her hands on his neck for walking out on the blind date she’d arranged, and he’d been so determined to sabotage.

  He wasn’t ready to date yet—didn’t think he’d ever be. He needed more time to wallow in his grief. Almost two years wasn’t nearly long enough.

  He wondered why Beth was so determined to sabotage things from her end. First, she’d opened the door looking like something the cat had sicked up and next thing she was clinging to him and purring like a sex kitten. What was going on? Had he been out of the dating game too long and this was how things were done now? Surely not?

  That parting vibrator remark sure had him intrigued. He wished she’d hurry up and come back and explain herself. That thought surprised him, but what surprised him more was wanting to see what she looked like underneath her ratty old robe.

  What was he thinking with a line like that? Don’t go thinking this is a marriage proposal, darlin’. I’m only doing it for the sex. Sheesh! He guessed he deserved what he got. He glanced up as Beth practically raced into the kitchen, then came to a screeching standstill.

  “Oh, you’re still here,” she said, her face flushed. “I thought you’d taken off. Not that I’d blame you.” She offered a tentative smile.

  He stared at her. Beth–whatever–her–name–was had somehow morphed into a woman who looked as good as she kissed. Gone was the half–crazy gleam in her eyes too. She’d changed into blue jeans and a soft knit sweater. The lilac color suited her. The toothpaste stuck at the corner of her mouth was distracting though. He rubbed his fingertip against the side of his mouth.

  She blinked and he thought about how becoming that habit would be on her if she didn’t act as crazy as a cut snake. She moved closer to him and he took a step back.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I’ve calmed down now.”

  Gabe couldn’t take his eyes off the toothpaste. He guessed she’d brushed her teeth
to get rid of whatever gunk she’d used to black out her tooth. She had nice lips: plump, kissable.

  “You’ve got a spot of toothpaste on the side of your mouth.”

  “Oh,” she said, her mouth forming a perfect circle. She lifted her finger and rubbed then licked the toothpaste off her finger. Gabe watched her tongue as it slid over her fingertip and did interesting things to his libido.

  “Um, can you explain all that out there?” he asked, indicating the foyer.

  “The black tooth?”

  “That would be a good place to start.”

  She shrugged and moved towards the refrigerator and pulled open the door. “Would you care for something to drink?”

  Gabe didn’t think sharing anything alcoholic with Beth Whatever–her–name was such a good idea. “A glass of water would be fine, thanks,” he said and waited as she tipped the contents of a chilled water bottle into a tumbler.

  Beth sat at the table and poured a glass of wine for herself. “I guess I owe you an apology,” she said, and reached out to stroke the solitary rose. She sighed and Gabe wondered if she felt the same way about the rose’s lonely existence as he did.

  She lifted her blue eyes to his and he was struck by how attractive she was. Maybe if she’d opened the door wearing what she was wearing now and with all her teeth intact instead of scaring him half to death, then they could’ve been enjoying a pleasant dinner at a local restaurant right now.

  He offered his hand as he was about to sit down. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Gabe Hunter,” he said.

  He was surprised by the strength of her handshake. “Beth Harman."

  She sighed and Gabe tried to ignore the outline of her breasts rising and falling beneath the sweater. She was way too dangerous. Ignoring Beth’s feminine gestures was harder than he’d expected it to be. He cleared his throat and said, “I think you were about to explain your tooth’s miraculous reappearance.”